The Seasons of life is something that has been on my mind often these days. Maybe its because I have a 4 month old baby who is blowing through the newborn season, maybe its because I am entering a season of parenting that I feel so inadequate to enter, maybe its because our lease in our apartment is up soon so we are seeking what the next season will be, maybe its because we want to buckle down this fall and take care of some financial things we have hanging over our head, maybe its because I am studying for my licensing exam to be a midwife and wondering what that season will look like or maybe its just because God wants us to better understand who He is in changing seasons.

I LOVE the season of life God has me in right now. I love being a mother, I love where we are living, I love that my husband has a job that provides for our needs and I love that everyday with a baby holds new and fun things! But I also feel like there are times I grow weary of the seasons changing so fast, just when I feel I am comfortable in the season we are in its time to adjust to a new one. I know that is God's way of keeping up dependant on Him, but somedays its more then I can handle! I am all for adventure but sometimes we need a break! I know I serve a God who is faithful and who never changes and that is where I rest my heart. Seasons and circumstances may always be changing but His faithfulness always remains!

I have been listening to this song alot lately and letting the reality of who God is seek into my soul.

"I am" by Nichole Nordeman

"Pencil marks on a wall, I wasn't always this tall,
You scattered some monsters from beneath my bed, You watched my team win,
You watched my team lose, You watched when my bicycle went down again,

And When I was weak unable to speak, still I could call You by name,
and I said “Elbow healer, Superhero, come if You can,” and You said “I am”

Only 16, life is so mean, what kind of curfew is at ten PM
You saw my mistakes, You watched my heart break
Heard when I swore I’d never love again

When I was weak, unable to speak, still I could call You by name,
and I said “Heart-ache Healer, Secret-keeper, be my Best Friend” and You said “I am”

You saw me wear white, by pale candlelight, I said forever to what lies ahead
two kids and a dream, with kids that can scream too much it might seem when it’s two AM

When I am weak, unable to speak, still I will call You by name.
“Oh Shepherd, Savior, Pasture-maker, hold on to my hand,” and You say “I am.”

The winds of change, And circumstance blow in and all around
us so we find a foothold that’s familiar, And bless the moments that we feel You nearer
Life had begun, I was woven and spun,

You let the angels dance around the throne, who can say when,
But they’ll dance again, when I am free and finally headed home

I will be weak, unable to speak, still I will call You by name
“Creator, Maker, Life-sustainer, Comforter, Healer, My Redeemer,
Lord and King, Beginning and the End, I am, yes, I am.”

3 Months Old!

My baby girl is 3 months old today!! Jeremy and I were talking about today how its hard to believe its already been 3 months but at the same time it feels like we have always had her. Its hard to imagine life before our little bundle came! It has been the most amazing 3 months of my life to watch my child grow. I have grown so much in 3 months, nothing like having a baby to put life in perspective. The things I thought important that filled my day no longer seem to matter, and the things I fill my day with now seem so small in the worlds eyes but has become my world. I thank God for giving us the gift of life to steward and shepherd her heart.

Pictures were taken by my talented friend Heather.

She is Home!!

Priscilla is home! After a year in Taiwan teaching english she is back. What an amazing year she had and she has so many memories. I am so glad she was able to go, I think she will look back on this time in her life and be so grateful for the experiences she had. We sure are glad to have her home though!! When she left for her adventure I lived in NY wasn't pregnant yet and my older brother and his wife had a new baby and lived about 2 hours outside of Fort Worth. Now she is home and I live here and have a baby, by brother and his family live minutes away so its been such fun! I think it has taken her some time to settle back into life here, I can only imagine how much of a shift it must be. She has had lots of time to love on Ava and came home just in time to start enjoying her changing daily and being oh so much fun! 

My baby girl laughs now and it is the cutest thing in the entire world! She has lots to say and is full of life!!

Bits and pieces of my life.

:: My sister comes home Friday from a year of teaching English in Taiwan. We could not be more excited to see her! She will finally get to meet Ava too! It has been 2 years since I have lived in the same state as Priscilla so I am thrilled to live by my closest sister again, it will be fun to have her so close and it will take some time for me to get used to remembering she is here!

:: Sleep update, my baby girl is sleeping wonderfully! She goes to sleep when we do and sleeps for around 4 hours then wakes up to eat and then goes right back to sleep and sleeps another 2-3 hours the eats again then sleeps another 2-3 hours normally. I know I am SO blessed! We are making progress with our day schedule and I do feel like we have some routine that I can count on most days. I am not huge on a schedule but I do like having some routine that we can count on and it makes us both so much happier when we have sleep!

:: It is TOO HOT in Texas for me! After living in up state NY for a year I lost my tolerance for the heat I think. I just don't remember it being this hot! I love lots about summer, but 90 degrees would be a good high for me. I am grateful I have a little baby and a good reason to stay inside with my little one!

:: I am making some effort to get this baby weight off, I am so tired of my limited wardrobe and refuse to buy clothes that are my size now. This whole breastfeeding thing has not made my weight "melt" off as I was told often happens. I started walking this week and plan to stay regular with that and add some trips to the gym when baby will allow. I have too many clothes in my closet that I want to wear again and I am not ok with settling for this larger version of me. I hope to spend the next 4 months getting back in shape and my goal is by the time she is 6 months old to be back to my active thinner self.

:: I am starting to pull the books out and study for the Midwifery license exam, I am taking that in October and it is a very in depth hard test from what I have heard so I am a little nervous to take that but so looking forward to having that behind me!

:: Ava is now 9 weeks old and growing so much! She has developed such a sweet little personality and neither of us can imagine life without our baby girl! She brings so much joy to our home!!

::My Mom is getting a blog set-up and when she does if you are a mom, wife or one day hope to be any of those you will want to read her blog! I know I am so excited to keep up with it. Mom has such wisdom to offer and I am thrilled that she will have a new out to share and encourage others with. In my opinion she has LOTS that needs to be heard and I know will encourage all those that read it. I will let you all know once she has her site up and running.

My Life

The last 7 weeks that been the best 7 weeks of my life! I adore my little girl and we cannot imagine life without her! Her Daddy is totally taken with her and we find ourselves just sitting and watching her! She is smiling and her little personality is developing so much. She is a wonderful baby!! We flew to NY to see our family last week and she did amazing! Was the dream baby to travel with and was the star of the show in Rochester!

Fun Giveaway

Hey friends!
Check out this blog http://elliekateandpeyton.blogspot.com/ and enter to win a fun giveaway!!

Birth Story

I have been attempting to type up my birth story in detail, but when you nurse every 2 hours all day and night it is going to take me a long time to complete it! So here is the reader friendly version for all you who are interested....

Saturday May 2nd, I woke up at about 1:15am and knew immediately that my water had broke. I called my midwife to report but I was not having any contractions. She said she would come to listen to the baby and just asses but didn't have to stay if things weren't happening. I woke Jeremy up then and told him this was it! With my water leaking I knew we were at the point of no return and didn't have the chance of labor stopping and waiting a couple more days. This was happening! My midwife (Donnellyn) came and by that point I was having crampy really light contractions. She listened to baby who sounded great then checked me, I was only 1cm (like I had been in her office earlier that week) and 80% effaced. She said to try and sleep and see what would happen. I tried sleeping but I think with the adrenaline of it all I was too excited and the contractions started getting slightly stronger. I kept thinking I would be holding my baby soon, little did I know I had another 30 hours before that would be a reality! I got up about 6am and my midwife again checked me and there was not much progress so we decided it was just early labor and she would go home and we would continue life for the day and see what happened. We had a wonderful morning together, we made some sweet memories as we did some last things before our world changed forever. We went to breakfast, walked and did some shopping. I remember sitting at breakfast and every 10 minutes or so I would have a pinching, crampy contraction but it didn't really hurt but I could feel something happening. That afternoon we watched a movie and did some more walking. I called Donnellyn around 3 or 4that afternoon and was really getting frustrated. Contractions would stop if I sat down but get going again if I walked. I was getting anxious to get this ball going and since I couldn't sleep I wanted to be in labor! She told me what I have told many Mom's in labor and reminded me that God's timing is perfect and to enjoy this time and rest. Of course being the good birth professional that I am I kept walking and didn't really rest at all. She also told me I could take some homeopathics and see if that helped contractions become more regular. Around 7pm sat night (17 hours after I had started leaking fluid) the contractions were getting stronger and I was in more pain. I called my Mom and she came right over with arms full of central market food, yummy candles to light and some natural lotion for me. I remember the relief when my Mom walked in the door, I knew everthing was going to be all right by just seeing her face. We called Donnellyn around 9pm and she got there around 1opm when things were just starting to get intense and labor was getting more active. I had been having contractions all day but was able to talk and do things through then until that night. I labored all night and the details are a blur to me as I was going on 2 nights of missed sleep. I don't really have any memories of the night except that around 4am we called my good friend and chiropractor Dr. Cindy, I wasn't getting much of a break from intense contractions but progress was just so slow Donnellyn though getting adjusted might help get things moving. I was SO exhausted by the morning and really did not think I had anything left in me.

Around 6am on Sunday May 3rd, over 24 hours from when this all had gotten started, I was 5cm and progressing just slow. Labor got harder and the contractions started coming closer together. Around 2pm I reached the end of myself and could not do it anymore or so I thought. I had so much encouragement and they kept me going. I remember telling Jeremy I wanted to go the hospital and get an epidural, which of course he in a very understanding way said "ok if that's what you want to do then we can BUT remember after you have this baby you have to stay in the hospital and all the reasons you chose a home birth won't happen". Of course my response to him was "your right I don't want to go to the hospital!" My midwife checked me again and I was 6cm at 2pm, I was so discouraged because 8 hours had gone by and I had dilated 1cm! The baby had moved way down and she suggested we break my water. Now I know I said my water had broke earlier in labor but she said it was more like a leak and it had sealed back up because she felt a bulging bag of water. So we agreed to having my water broke, at this point Jeremy and I were both so ready for things to be done! After she broke my water things got allot stronger and everyone kept saying they could see I was making progress. I was doubtful because of how slow my progress had been leading up to that. I don't have much memory of the next several hours. I just remember contractions coming right on top of each other and feeling so exhausted in between them. I could not handle contractions laying down or sitting down so I stood during each contraction and leaned on Jeremy, he got in a good workout through this process because he had all my weight on him during every contraction! I did some contractions kneeling over the exercise ball just to give my legs a rest but at this point everything hurt all the time so it was hard to tell what felt better then others. I just wanted to be done! God gave me the strength to finish this because looking back I don't know how I was able to. I was so spent and so done! Around 6:30pm I got an overwhelming urge to push, I had planned to push in a squatting postition because being the educated person that I am I KNEW what I wanted! Well, looking back I laugh because I was so exhausted that I could not ever hold myself up and push! I ended up laying on the bed on my side and pushing that way. I will admit that even when I was pushing I had doubts that I was going to ever actually give birth! When I got the point that some head was staying out I reached down and touched it and that gave me the surge of energy I needed to get this thing done. I knew my baby was coming and I was going to do everything in my power to make that soon! I don't remember the painful crowning process because to be honest all I remember was the HUGE relief that happened immediatly once she was out! As I was pushing her head I remember asking Donnellyn "Is my perinium pink?", from my training I had known that pink meant blood flow which meant no tearing. She laughed and said yes! 40 minutes after I felt the urge to push Ava Caroline Tallo made her entrance into the world at 7:12! What a glorious moment that was!!

Everyone has asked, being a trained midwife myself how the birth experience was. It was so different then I had expected. So much longer! I really have no complaints though God was SO good to answer every prayer and more. Jeremy was AMAZING the entire time and never tired of being by my side the entire time. He was with me during EVERY contraction and prayed and spoke peace to me the entire time. He believed in my body when I didn't and He held me to what I knew I wanted but was willing to give up. My team of midwives was all I needed and so much more. They prayed and really did bring such a peace into our home. I cannot have imagined going through it without being able to look at my Mom and without her saying anything I knew I could do it. My sister-in-law was here and was a wonderful prayer warrior and never stopped praying. I was blessed! It was a wonderful/terrible 2 days of my life! I would not trade it for the world but never want to have my 1st child again!! =)

Birth is an amazing opportunity that every woman should have the chance to experience. Our culture has taken that right away from women and one of my greatest desires in life is to help women re-claim that right and experience. We serve a BIG GOD and birth is just one of the ways He allows us to witness His goodness.